i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My breasts were aching with rage.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sext me about skeletons
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
