You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
