Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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