i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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