Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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