She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When did angry sex become our thing?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
