you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize