and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
