I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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