I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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