I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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