i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
