OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
