My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
