considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
