He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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