if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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