I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
