Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
