im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
