Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
