I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
