ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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