There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
