so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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