he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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