I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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