I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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