i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
vagina is talking i cant
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
