I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
false alarm, still single
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
