i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
