i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
