What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
