it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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