:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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