She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
