Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
