god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
