did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
