Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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