I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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