I wish I only lived at night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
