are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
