I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
