i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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