i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There r osticjed everywhere
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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