This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
