I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
