I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
