I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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