Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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