This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
