Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
