Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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