I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize