just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
