Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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