the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
