I must be too annoying 4 u.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
