tell your sister to shave her snatch
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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