I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
