Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
