found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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