i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize