Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
