I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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