nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
