Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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