My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Randomize
